People desired things they didn’t know they wanted. Angry voices, heat,
emergencies. That was a summer. Isn’t there anything you can take? she said.
She meant, I’m tired of your suffering. The rustle of the pigeons;
a woman doing laundry, unfurling the white rippling sheet. Thick wind
made a timpani of an empty can bouncing down the street,
until it was silenced beneath the wheel of a bus. We made love,
if you want to call it that, once that month.
I had a dream in which a voice said, Make a mountain
of this work, something that can be climbed. It devolved
into strangeness—owly skies, fiddling hands, small fires
burning against a vastness. The man with the red tin box
I passed each day going to the office: I never caught his eye,
though I tried. Los Angeles, I thought, lost glass.
Talking of the childhood of our love she said,
It made me sad that you would leave the next morning,
it made all the sense in the world,
it just made me sad. Vomit on the street
on graduation day. The color of the stubble banks
on the side of the highway. Driving through a tunnel,
Aisha Sabatini Sloan
Episode 22: “Form and Formlessness”
In an essay specially commissioned for the podcast, Aisha Sabatini Sloan describes rambling around Paris with her father, Lester Sloan, a longtime staff photographer for Newsweek, and a glamorous woman who befriends them. In an excerpt from The Art of Fiction no. 246, Rachel Cusk and Sheila Heti discuss how writing her first novel helped Cusk discover her “shape or identity or essence.” Next, Allan Gurganus’s reading of his story “It Had Wings,” about an arthritic woman who finds a fallen angel in her backyard, is interspersed with a version of the story rendered as a one-woman opera by the composer Bruce Saylor. The episode closes with “Dear Someone,” a poem by Deborah Landau.
Rachel Cusk photo courtesy the author.
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